Dreams (Bonus from Diamond Legacies)

So this is the conversation between Chantelle and Zio when they left the room in Part 25 of Diamond Legacies. It sets up a future story I'm slowly working on that brings a whole new generation of children for Chanti/Zio, Eddie/Chloe and Ness/Jake to raise together like in Forever After.

Chantelle Cullen

I followed him out of the room where he had just given an ultimatum to Nicholas Disney.

“Pancrazio Cullen what the hell was that?!” I asked, I couldn’t help the frustration that escaped with my voice.

“Business Chantelle.” Was his only answer as I followed him down the corridor.

“Screw business Pancrazio. She is family. She’s the granddaughter of the man that helped raise you. Helped raise us! Carlisle is going to be so disappointed in you.” I hated the words as they left my mouth, but I pushed him towards one of the meeting rooms for privacy. He followed me in, and I locked the door behind us. This needed to be a private conversation between me and my husband. I was grateful the walls were soundproof.

“What am I supposed to do Chantelle? How do we control this? What is my alternative?” he span to face me and my heart broke at the pain on his face and the undeniable pressure I knew he felt.

“You’re not in this alone Zio,” I said as soft as I could amongst my own anger with his decisions.

“Then why do I feel more alone than ever before?” he asked, and I could see his anger building up. He was being honest, and I couldn’t fault him for that, I just didn’t know how to respond to him. “We share the burdens of the Volturi and yet they look to me. I am Pancrazio Cullen, the leader of the Volturi. The face and the voice they think of when they mention the word Volturi. I am my father’s son, the merciful yet ruthless leader of the supernatural world. I can’t be weak and yet I must be forgiving. I have to find the balance every day of showing strength and acceptance and yet I can’t be shown to be hesitant or controlling in any decision I make.” He was pacing as he spoke and I wanted to comfort him at every word, but I needed to do more than just hold him, I needed to support him, be his partner and confidant, I needed to remind him who he was and that I loved him unconditionally.

“Zio,” I said softly, his hand was going through his hair as he paced.

“I can’t risk it, I can’t. Not everything we’ve built Chanti, everything we’ve sacrificed. I knew when we were children I would return here, even though it was promised to me that it would be my choice, even when our parents and grandparents insisted it wasn’t my burden to carry, I knew something would bring me back here. I would do it again, over, and over, for the sanity and life of our son. I don’t regret taking my father’s throne back, but the day Allesandra died, the day I stared at your tear-stricken face, and we silently agreed to stay, that was the day I gave up any life I had envisioned for us. The life I had imagined as a boy who idolised you, the life where we would see the world and have a dozen babies and raise them wherever the hell we wanted because we could. We gave all that up. I gave up Pancrazio Cullen to be Pancrazio Volturi and I will not make that sacrifice be in vain. I will protect the supernatural world as I was born to do. I will do it to keep you safe, to keep our children safe. Matthew and Sophia went through so much, they were cursed the day they were born as my children. My blood is a curse. Every day of their lives they’ve been known as Aro’s grandchildren, and they have lived through the consequences of having their father lead the Volturi. Everything that happened was my fault. Matthew… Allesandra… I can’t…. Chanti… I…” his voice started off strong, anger filled his voice as the memories flooded him but as he imagined a world where he failed, as he spoke about this curse he had never told me about, he broke. His voice shattered and tears fell onto his cheeks. It wasn’t often I saw my husband cry. In the centuries we’d been together it had only been a handful of times I had seen him this broken. But since Esther, since he lost his biggest weapon, his closest friend in a lot of ways, I had seen him like this more times than I wanted to. He continued his rant without looking at me across the room.

“I can’t be a Cullen in this. I can’t. I can’t show mercy to that man because we can’t control the most powerful man in the human world. it just doesn’t work. There are no other options. He must become a part of our world if he wishes to remain by Eden’s side. It’s the only way this works. The only way our sacrifices are protected. This decision is not one from my heart. Eddie was right, I was Aro today. I don’t deserve to be called a Cullen. I have to be Pancrazio Volturi.” His voice cracked at the name.

“Zio…” I said as I walked over to him. He reached for me before I was in touching distance as if he needed to feel me, to make sure I was real. I walked into his chest, his robe cocooned around me in the breeze of the open window and the movements he made to reach me. I took in his scent, the smell of home. My Zio. Not the Volturi leader, not Aro’s son or Jasper’s son or the Volturi legacy. Just my husband.

He leant forward; his lips were on my collarbone as he buried his face into my neck. I held him for a moment as I felt his silent tears fall onto my skin.

“Pancrazio Cullen,” I said moving so he would look at me. He didn’t step away; he just lifted his head. “You said it yourself. You are Pancrazio Cullen. You have and always will be a Cullen. It doesn’t matter how they see you, how much they remind you about your parentage. You are good. Eddie tried to throw your father in your face today in that throne room, it was shared as a reminder to keep you merciful, but do you know what it reminded me of?” I asked and I waited until he shook his head. “That even before you were officially a Cullen, even before the war with your father, before my family took you under their wing, you were always good. You were born good. You may be Aro’s son, but you are also your mother’s son, Sophia’s son. You were good when you decided not to kill Bella with her shield the day you met her as a child. You were good when you refused to fight alongside your father on that battlefield. You were good when they brought you home and you tried your best to drink animal blood over human. You were good when you were that sweet little boy that missed his home in Italy and would come into my room asking to read a bedtime story together. You may be your father’s son, but you were always, always destined to be a Cullen Zio.” I said and as I finished, I couldn’t help the own tears in my eyes that matched his as another fell onto his cheek.

“I don’t deserve you Chantelle,” he said, leaning forward to rest his forehead on mine. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment.

“For everything you’ve done, the people you’ve protected and loved and cared for, the dangers you’ve helped erase, the world you’ve created. You deserve everything you’ve ever dreamt of, my love,” I whispered. I had never said anything I felt so strongly about before. It radiated in my heart, and I wished I could express the extent of my true feeling behind the words. As he kissed me our tears merged, I could taste them on his lips as his arms tightened around me, pulling me impossibly close to him.

We pulled away, both of us giggling at the lack of air we had. He put his forehead back against mine and I decided to lighten the tone, knowing he was over his small crisis.

“As for a dozen babies, all you have to do is ask,” I said with a wink as he grinned down at me.

“Not sure we have the time as leaders of the Volturi to be parents again. I don’t know how Matthew and Lidiya ever did it,” he said lightly in response to my joke.

“They’re superhuman parents that’s how,” I said with a smile in return.

“I often dream about having another family with you Chantelle, especially after the chance of raising Matthew was stolen from us all those years ago, but I won’t wish the curse on any more of our children.” He said as he closed his eyes, the seriousness returning to the conversation.

“Have you ever asked Matthew and Sophia about it? I’m not sure they would agree about this curse.” I said as I reached up with my hand to stroke his jaw line.

“Matthew lost his childhood because of who I was. I will never forget seeing you in pain for those years when we weren’t with him. When we didn’t even know he was real.”

“Zio, that was centuries ago,” I breathed as I shook my head. “I didn’t know you still blamed yourself for that,” I leant back to see his face properly, but I didn’t step out of his embrace.

“I will blame myself until my dying day for the pain our son went through, for what happened to Allesandra.” He said and he was watching me with confusion as if this was blatantly obvious and I should have already known this.

We had spoken about it over the years, but I honestly thought by now he’d forgiven himself. I had no idea it still plagued my husband’s mind. He was so good at hiding everything behind that mask of his, even from me at times.

“Zio,” my voice broke on his name, and I shook my head. I moved now, taking his hand, and pulling him towards the door.

“Chanti,” he said disapprovingly as he knew where I was taking him.

“it’s been a hundred and fifty years. I think its time you asked your son how he feels about your curse,” I said acid coating my words. I hated the words he had used for it. I didn’t see our children as cursed and neither should he. I already knew for certain our son didn’t. I just needed him to prove to his father how stupid he was being.

“Chantelle its real. Our great grandson ran away from it because he saw it too,” he said as he pulled at my hand to face him.

“Our great grandson?” I asked trying to work out what he meant. “Finn? Benjamin’s son?” I asked for clarification.

My parents and uncle and aunt had found one of our lost descendants a few years back. Finn’s daughter Lexa had been kept out of the family secret, kept her ancestry and destiny as Zio’s heir hidden from her because her father, Finn, wanted to protect her from the supernatural world. Was that what this was about?

But that was an anomaly and Finn blamed his grandmother Lidiya for not saving his wife, not Zio for his parentage, not us. He kept in contact with his other side of the family, with Lexi. He had named his child after her. I couldn’t understand the point he was trying to make. No sane person would resent their parents for simply wanting a child.

We stopped outside the door of Matthew’s study. I knew the other leaders, my son Matthew and his two children Asta and Ben, had come back here to discuss the issue with Nicholas Disney further.

“Come in,” Matthew called after a light knock from me. I was still holding Zio’s hand, and I was watching his face intently. He looked stubborn and defiant as we stepped into the room. Matthew was leaning over his desk, his daughter Asta stood against the wall and Benjamin was sat in his father’s desk chair.  Allesandra was also sitting in one of the soft chairs by the fireplace. Good. Everyone relevant was here. Their eyes fell on us as we entered.

“Chanti,” Zio sighed trying, and failing to sway me from doing this.

“Call your sister,” I ordered my son. He frowned at me in confusion.

“Video call her, now, please sunshine,” I said softer this time. He took my tone and didn’t ask why as he pulled out the tablet to call his sister in Washington.

“Hey baby brother,” Sophia answered with a lightness to her voice that always made my heart ache with love for my daughter.

“Hey, mom wants to talk to us,” he said turning the tablet to face me as I pulled Zio by the hand closer to our son at the table.

“We’ll go,” Alle said motioning for her brother and sister to leave.

“No, stay, all of you. This question extends to you both as well.” I said to my grandchildren as they stood to leave. They looked between me and their grandfather in equal confusion as their father and aunt.

I looked between Matthew and Sophia, and I wasn’t quite sure how to begin.

“Chanti, this is silly,” Zio sighed when he realised, I didn’t know how to word the question.

“I think your attitude is silly,” I snapped back before taking a breath and facing my son. I knew my children well, but I couldn’t help the nervous flutter that entered my stomach as I explained what Zio had admitted to me, what he felt about his ‘curse’. I knew they wouldn’t blame him the way he thought they did and yet I was nervous just for a second that they would agree and prove me wrong. And that my husband would shatter under the admission that his children viewed his legacy in hate as he did.

“Dad, do you seriously think that?” Sophia was the first to answer. I watched as Matthew bowed his head before his eyes landed on his children standing behind us.

“Is it not the truth? Everything that’s happened to us, everything that’s happened to our family, to Matthew and Allesandra, to Benjamin and to Asta. Has it not all been because I am the son of Aro?” he asked and he turned to look at our grandchildren individually behind us, lingering on Allesandra especially. She had died because of who we were, because of the power her father held at the time. Because Zio hadn’t been willing to become the Volturi leader, usurpers had put her father on the throne instead. It’s quite possible had Zio fulfilled his destiny before Matthew was taken from us, we’d have raised our son, Allesandra would have been safe as a child, Benjamin wouldn’t have been forced to grow up and experience guilt the way he did over his sister.

It was all ‘what if’s though, and who is to say something else wouldn’t have changed our lives? A different course of tragedies or blessings? I refused to believe it was all because of a ‘curse’.

Matthew lifted his head and focused on his father before he spoke.

“What makes you think it would have been any different if say I was born as Renesmee and Jacob’s son? Or Chloe and Eddie’s? Everyone has lost someone dad, everyone has suffered. Renesmee and Jacob’s granddaughter is about to face the biggest war we’ve ever seen. Eddie and Chloe lost family because of our war with Lilim. It’s not about you, its not about Aro or the Volturi. It’s the power, it’s the name. Its who we are. Not our genetics or your father. It’s just the card we’ve been dealt. It isn’t a curse to inherit. We are all here willingly, every single one of us chose to lead or help the Volturi. This is the price of that choice, not because of Aro’s blood.” Matthew said with a shake of his head.

“Think of all the good and the power our family has, the security and the love, the benefits.” Benjamin spoke up.

“Being your son is not a curse father, it’s a blessing.” Matthew said as he stepped forward and lay a hand on Zio’s shoulder. The pair stared at each other.

“Hug our dad for me please Matthew!” Sophia calling through the tablet. I smiled at my daughter as Matthew stepped closer to hug his father. Zio took a moment to respond to the touch before he gripped his son around the shoulders and held him tightly as if he was afraid he was about to disappear.

“I couldn’t be more grateful that you’ve stood by my side for the last century. I couldn’t be luckier to be your son,” Matthew said pulling away to stare at his father. “Please do not ever feel like your legacy is a curse. I have never thought that, and I never will.”

Zio leant forward to kiss his son’s forehead before they hugged again. I swallowed the lump in my throat seeing the pair embrace knowing that this would lift a weight off Zio’s shoulders I had no idea was there.

It would seem everyone else saw it too. Its like they realised in that moment how much Zio had been holding onto. How much he was trying to maintain in the Volturi, but he was just one man. The people in the room were there to help him, he just needed to accept it.

“You could take up less duties, I’m more than happy to step in some more.” Asta said softly from the edge of the room.

“And I’m here now again, at least until Esther returns. Lexi and I already agreed we needed to be here until everything is back to normal. When she’s home, everything will be different again. This pressure you must feel will pass grandfather,” Ben said with his usual formality as he let out a small smile. Oh my Benjamin, how the world had been so cruel to him. Could we do better? If we tried again. Had Zio been hiding this dream of a new family from me for decades? Centuries even?

I would have a dozen children if that’s what he wanted. I was always slightly envious of my sister, of Renesmee in her perfect world in La Push, how every few decades she’d start again. I never thought I’d get that, but I wanted it. Now Zio had mentioned his dream as a child, I wanted it.

Allesandra took a step forward to where her father and grandfather were standing close. Zio looked at her and for a moment I saw the decades of unsaid emotion crack over his face.

“I’m here. I’m alive. I have been for a very long time,” she reminded him, her hand reaching up to cup his cheek. His eyes closed and a single tear fell. “You all worry so much about how it affected me and not enough about how it affected you all.” She said and looked to her father at her side. Her other hand that wasn’t on her grandfather’s face took Matthew’s between them. “I can’t imagine what you went through but, I do not, and have never, blamed you.” Allesandra continued, catching Zio’s eye on the last word. He took in a deep breath and nodded.

“Thank you,” he said softly, and she beamed a smile up at her grandfather. Zio looked to us all individually in the room before he seemed to drop his vulnerability. His walls strengthened again as he straightened his back and gave a few nods into the room at his thoughts.

“When Esther’s home. Everything will be good again,” Zio said voicing his thoughts. We all gave him a sad smile in return and agreed.

The absence of Esther caused a depression in Zio that had been growing over the years. She was his lifeline in this job, we both hadn’t really realised how deeply that lifeline ran until she was gone. She had been by his side since day one. Even when she lost her granddaughter as we lost ours, she was there at Zio’s side helping him build and repair the Volturi from the aftermath of Allesandra’s death. He struggled with her being gone and yet didn’t ever let it show. He’d been strong for the Volturi, for me, for our family. But as I watched him smile with our children and grandchildren, I knew that even the strongest have their hard days. Even the strongest deserved to hope for better.

To dream.