Just Time (Clara Extra)

This was a hard one. I have never written grief in this kind of detail before. It was a hard thing to write but I’m so glad I did. I always wanted to write this, since the very end of Forever Legends and finally finished it. It has taken literal years to manage it but its finally done. Hope this doesn’t cause too much depression. I wouldn’t be offended if you decided to skip this one.

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From 'The Meaning of Immortality'

Edward, Clara needs you. Elijah is going to die soon. I’m not sure he has very many hours left. Clara made me promise to keep Elijah’s health a secret for a while, but I don’t think I can help her through this alone. This isn’t something the Life and Death twins can fix. It’s just time. She’s going to need you. We need you grandpa. Please come as soon as possible.

Love Sophie.

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2220

Clara Cullen

I knew this day was coming.

Its been coming for seventy years. At the start, I had trouble accepting it. I was surrounded by immortals. I was immortal, never aging and I stared at the face of my husband every day as he aged. Eventually I came to accept it. I realised that it was his choice and it wasn’t because of me that he made that choice. He had been forced into the supernatural world as a teenager, flung into the unknown and fear of being a monster he didn’t want to be and whilst I knew he loved my family. I didn’t blame him for not wanting to be one of them. He’d tell me nearly every day during those early years that if there was a way to stay with me forever without being a vampire, he would but he hoped that even just his lifetime would be enough. After about ten years I finally fully and completely accepted it. I had watched my sister, then a grown teenager and young woman struggle to find meaningful relationships and I knew I was the lucky one. The weight of immortality was something I never thought existed, until you watched everyone around you grow old and die. Sophie struggled, not because she couldn’t find relationships, but because her own mentality could relax enough in one to settle down. She knew she’d watch her partner grow old and die whilst she stayed forever young and that crippled her ability to be in a functioning partnership. My sister decided to throw all her efforts into being a doctor, a humanitarian. She travelled the world saving lives and making a difference. She adopted an orphan from Ghana on one of her many visits over there and spent her life making sure that little girl got everything she ever dreamed of, whilst also passing on her philanthropy. My sister had decided she didn’t need a lifelong partner and was still happy. So, I knew I could do the same after Elijah was gone, and in the meantime, I had my husband and children to focus on. Elijah became a professor in the local university and lived his life teaching. I became an children’s book illustrator and we were happy. There was no point in dwelling in the future or what if. I tried to live my life day by day. Even as Elijah aged, in my mind I still saw him as the seventeen-year-old boy that loved me without fail.

Even to his dying day, white haired, wrinkles and weak limbs. I still saw that seventeen-year-old boy.

Elijah had been sick for a few days now. My sister was currently doing some part time work in Carlisle’s hospital in the city and I had her come over immediately. There was something different about this sickness Elijah had. It was just a normal cough, nothing strange but I knew his immune system wasn’t what it was anymore. I wasn’t sure he could fully recover from this.

“its not a cough Clara.” Sophie pulled me aside after examining Elijah who didn’t have the energy to leave our bed anymore.

“what is it? Cancer? Do we need Anelie and Lidiya? Ivana?” I asked scanning her face for the answer.

“Clara. Its just old age. Elijah’s body is tired. It’s a cough yes, but he just can’t keep up with things like that anymore. He doesn’t have the energy to fight off anything anymore. His organs are shutting down. He’s dying.” She told me bluntly.

My little sister. My Sophie. The first person I loved more than anything in the world.

She was older than me now. Ironically. As our mother was ten years older when my sister was born, the immortality gene from our father meant that Sophie aged about five years more than me before she stopped aging. I was barely a young adult, whereas my baby sister had been blessed with being in her late twenties. She had a regal sense to her. She was strong and independent. She was the nicest person I knew and also the toughest and most understanding. She had the privilege to be raised by vampires, their agelessness had rubbed off on her. She didn’t ever seem like she fully belonged anywhere or with anyone and she used that independence to make such a difference in the world.

I was prouder of her than I ever thought was possible.

“Is he in pain?” I asked.

“no, I gave him a sedative. He can still hear you; he can still feel you, but it might be hard for him to stay awake until the end” she said softly.

“I should go back… please don’t tell anyone. Don’t bring our family into this. He doesn’t want a show” I said realising that this was it then. This was the day. My sister nodded, her face sympathetic.

“maybe you should consider just gran-“ she was about to say Edward, but I shook my head.

“not yet.” I said swallowing a lump in my throat. 

There was nothing more that I wanted than to crawl into Edward’s lap and cry. For him to comfort me, to be held by the man that became my father in almost every sense of the world, but I knew I couldn’t hide from this. I couldn’t have Edward tell me everything would be okay. Because it wouldn’t. My husband, my world, was dying. Even though I had prepared for this. Even though I knew this day was coming and I thought id be okay. It was crushing me. I knew Edward loved me as daughter, I didn’t want to cause him any pain seeing me in pain. Edward would want to help; he’d be frustrated that he couldn’t, and I didn’t want to do that to him. To Bella. To any of them. This was something I needed to do myself. It was my choice to fall for a human man. Mine and Elijah’s to continue that relationship knowing it was one day going to end like this. My choice to go through this pain.

I reached to hug my sister and said goodbye to her.

I pulled out my phone and sent messages to each of my three children. Telling them they needed to make there way over her as fast as possible. Each of my children were in their early 50s now. Their lives had felt like a blink in my existence. I still remembered them being children and causing me stress as teenagers. They were now fully grown adults with lives of their own. Kira the eldest was 55, Ty my only son was 51 and my youngest Anna, was 48 and was the only one of them to give me grandkids. I had one grandson who was ten. He adored his grandfather. More than I ever thought possible. Elijah taught him so much, sat with him for hours, playing with him, talking to him. Dale worshiped the ground Elijah walked on and now he’d have to say goodbye to him.

I walked back into my bedroom. Elijah had his eyes closed but I could see his chest moving in laboured breaths.

I had to be strong. I couldn’t break now. Not yet.

I moved myself over to my side of the bed and climbed in next to him. I rested my head on his shoulder, careful not to put too much weight on his weak body. I curled my young hand around his old one as I lay our arms between us and I watched his chest rise and fall. Counting every breath.

“Clara” he whispered softly. It was barely audible, but my head whipped up to look at his aged face. He kept his eyes closed but squeezed my hand with little strength he had left.

“I’m here.” I whispered, determined not to let my voice break with the overwhelming emotion rising within me.

“my beautiful Clara” he whispered. This hurt. I swallowed slowly. “I want you to promise me something” he continued.

“anything” I said instantly.

“be happy” he answered me, his eyes finally opening to turn to look at me. My eyes filled with tears, but I blinked them back. We’d never had this conversation. For seventy years, the thought of what I would do after his death never came up. I never asked him, and he never asked me.

“not tomorrow. Not in a week, maybe not even in a year or two. But eventually. In ten twenty years. When you think of me and it doesn’t cause you pain. I hope you learn to be happy again. I hope you find someone again. Someone that loves you as I do.” He whispered. 

I couldn’t help the tears this time. They fell onto my cheeks and now my strength was being used to make sure I didn’t just fully break down in front of him.

“I know its not something you can even think about right now. I understand that. I’m sorry I made you go through this. I’m sorry I was too selfish to let you go. To let you find someone else. But I need to know that you’ll try. One day. You’ll be happy again” he said his own voice breaking.

I couldn’t form words, so I just nodded softly. My lip trembling with emotion. I reached forward, my hand still tight on his and gave him a soft kiss. “I promise” I said against his skin and he relaxed into the pillow below him. As if they were the words he needed before he finally let go.

“I love you” I whispered. Those 3 words weren’t enough, but I couldn’t say anymore without breaking down.

His eyes closed and his breathing laboured more. He didn’t stop but I wasn’t sure he would be able to open his eyes again.

I was about to panic when the sounds of our children’s voices fill the house.

“mom dad?” Kira was first.

“in our room” I called down without moving away from the bed. It was moments later when my three children and my young grandson walked into the room. My eyes immediately fell on the child as his wide panicked eyes fell on his grandfather. He ran, dropping his mothers’ hand, right up to the bed.

“grandpa?” his voice broke. Tears streamed down his face at the sight of his feeble grandfather.

“is he dead?” he asked me bluntly.

“no sunshine. Not yet. But I’m not sure if he can open his eyes anymore. He can hear you though. If you want to talk to him” I said softly.

His childlike innocence turned to his grandfather.

“grandpa? mom said you’re not well. That I needed to say goodbye in case this is the last time I see you” he said watching Elijah’s face, expecting him to respond. But he didn’t.

I finally turned to see my children as they walked over to us. Ty sat on the end of the bed. Kira came behind me, hugging my shoulders from behind and Anna bent down to kneel next to her son who was at Elijah’s head.

“we’re here daddy” Anna said softly. Reaching to hug her son from behind.

“all of us” Kira said from behind me. I felt Elijah’s strength leave his hand, but I watched as his chest continued to rise and fall.

“we love you dad” Ty said reaching to rest his hand on the blanket over his father’s legs.

We all sat there, the five of us holding onto Elijah’s hands. Watching his breaths as they slowed and shallowed.

Dale was only ten and yet he knew it wasn’t time to talk or as questions. I wasn’t sure what Anna had told him before coming here, or how she explained it, but I watched the face of him. So similar to Elijah when he was younger, and I knew that my husband would live on in him. In all of them around me.

I couldn’t register time as we all sat there waiting, just being with him.

As his breathing stopped.

Ty’s head fell to his chest as his shoulders began to rock. Anna clung tighter to Dale as she began to silently cry, holding her son for dear life. Kira behind me remained strong. I knew her eyes were on me, expecting me to break down, or scream or cry. I just sat there, my hand still in my husbands. In shock, denial? I didn’t know. 

Time didn’t exist. My world had stopped moving. I wasn’t aware of anyone coming in the room. Or when my children left it. Or when the cold comforting arms of Edward wound around me and pulled me into his chest.

It was like he breathed the life back into me.

I clung to the scent of my grandfather. The man that came into my life when I so desperately needed someone. When I needed a father, someone to hug me when I was scared. To protect me. Edward was that to me. He was my safe place and he was here.

I didn’t cry. I didn’t know how to anymore. I knew grief. I had lost my true father as a child. I had lost my grandmother as a young woman. But this. This pain was numbing. This wasn’t something I knew how to live through. 

“you will.” He whispered to me, his hand going through my hair. “you’ll remember it all, for both of you. He’ll live, in you. In your children and your grandchildren. He isn’t gone Clara. He lived the most amazing life. You gave him everything he ever wanted.” He assured me.

I tried to concentrate on the sounds in the house, but it was silent. I had my head on Edward’s chest but there was no heartbeat. No breathing.

Like Elijah.

“I’m not going anywhere” he responded to my thoughts. I nodded, not wanting to move from his comfort yet.

Where are my children? I asked having a moment of clarity. I wasn’t the only one that lost someone today. They lost their dad and my maternal instinct wanted me to comfort them.

“downstairs with Bella and Sophie. Your mother and Zac are just about to arrive.” He said to my thoughts. I shifted from his arms, reaching for the edge of the bed as I climbed from his lap. He looked at me with a cautious look on his face.

“are you ready?” he asked, and I looked from his pale face to the pale face of my husband. 

It was like the grief lifted from me and was replaced with tranquillity. He looked so peaceful. He had died surrounded by those that loved him the most. He had chosen this. He wanted this.

Suddenly the grief inside me wasn’t as consuming as before. It was suddenly… sombre.

I needed to be a parent now. I needed to comfort my children, to tell them it would be ok. That I would be okay.

Edward moved from the bed reaching for my hand and I took it. Staring down at his stone white skin on mine. Such a contrast from Elijah’s. 

I could survive this. I had family. The best family in the whole world.

The door opened and I heard as my mother and stepfather entered the house. I looked up at Edward who was still watching and probably scanning my mind.

“I’m okay” I said, and I actually meant it. The preparation, the knowledge that this day would one day come had finally settled into me.

I would be okay. Because I had Edward, I had Sophie. I had my family. They were who I continued to live for, who in a hundred years I’d still be with.

Edward leant forward kissing my forehead and giving me a gentle smile.

We turned, without saying any words and left the room. Edward dropped my hand as we reached the bottom of the stairs and went to head out the door.

“Edward?” I asked as the crushing arms of my mother wrapped around me.

“oh sweetheart. I’m so sorry” she said as she held me tightly. I could barely breath under her vampire grip.

“I’m going to contact Carlisle so we can move him for you.” Edward said to me.

Oh. Right. Of course. I thought and gave him a swift nod.

“mom I’m okay” I said truthfully.

“I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling. Its going to be okay.” She said pulling away to scan my face. I think she expected me to be crying my eyes out. I looked over to my stepfather who was watching me curiously.

“madeleine, I think she’s telling the truth” Zac said reaching for his wife. 

“I don’t know how you would be” she said with a frown as she let him pull her away from me.

“I’ve had seventy years to get used to the idea of this day. I’ve had my cry. I’ve been through denial and depression. I went through anger and bargaining a long time ago.” I explained to her and she nodded.

“well we’re here for you. Forever” she said reaching to stroke my cheek.

“I know you are. Thank you” I said reaching to hug her again. I dropped the hug and turned to smile at Zac. 

I was glad my mother had him. Thanks to him, I never had to go through the grief of losing my mother too. She had been turned into a vampire a few years after the events of Lilim. After the realisation that Sophie and I would never age and live forever, after a few years with Zac, she knew she didn’t want to go anywhere anytime soon. Even if her and Zac hadn’t worked out, she was happy with her choice to become immortal. Her and Zac’s bond only deepened, and they married a few years later.

Zac had helped raise my little sister; he’d never even questioned the day she started to call him dad. He had been a father to her every day since he fell into our lives. His bond with me was different but that was only because I still remembered my father. Out of respect he knew I didn’t need one as much as Sophie did. And I had Edward. Edward was all I needed for a father figure. Zac was there when I needed him and that was enough for us.

I was more than grateful he was there for my mother and sister.

I took my mothers hand and we walked into the living room where my children were with Sophie and Bella.

I went over to Dale who was sitting rather shocked in the corner of the couch. His mother had her arm around him trying to stop her own tears from scaring him. I knelt in front of him. His big blue curious eyes found mine. All I wanted to do was to hold him.

“can I have a hug from my favourite grandbaby?” I asked him softly. He moved faster than I could register. He was wrapped around me, hugging me tightly and digging his face into my shoulder.

“are you going to die too nanna?” he asked. He had been sort of told what we were. He knew that some of his grandparents didn’t age and were really old, but he hadn’t been outwardly told they were supernatural creatures. He was getting at the age though that he would start asking questions and I wondered if now would be the time Anna would explain to him his none-aging grandmother.

“Never. I will be here forever. I’m special. You know that don’t you? Its why I’m not old like grandpa was.” I explained, eying my daughter in front of me, hoping I wasn’t stepping over a line. She nodded to me in support.

“good” he said into my skin and squeezed me tighter.

“I love you” I told my grandson as he pulled away.

“love you too nanna” he said with a big beaming smile and I couldn’t help but smile back. I turned to my daughter who was frowning as she tried to stop herself from crying. I stood and reached for her. She stood hugging me instantly.

The next hour or so, I continued to hug my children. My sister, my parents. Bella stayed until Edward came back with Carlisle and they moved Elijah’s body from the house.

“we can sort everything out if you want us to. Elijah prepared everything with Edward a few years ago.” Bella said giving me a hug as they left. I nodded, extremely appreciative. She was talking about the funeral.

“thank you” I said sincerely, looking behind Bella to Edward. They both reached to hug me one last time.

“we’re here, when ever you need us. Don’t even hesitate” Bella told me squeezing my hand.

“I know.” I said with a genuine smile. I had no idea how I was lucky enough to have these amazing people in my life.

“we’ll go start the process” Edward said reaching to kiss my forehead.

“bye” I said to them as they left following Carlisle and the ambulance away.

That night all three of my children stayed in their childhood home. Not wanting to leave me alone.

Sophie stayed too. I couldn’t sleep in mine and Elijah’s bed, so she stayed with me on the couch and we talked most of the night, memories and stories until we fell asleep.

It was a few days before my family felt comfortable enough to leave me. I was happy as long as they were happy so if they wanted to stay forever id be okay with that too. But my children had lives and partners and jobs to get back to. I made plans with each of them to spend time with them over the next week or so before the funeral. Sophie was the hardest to get to leave but she had shifts at the hospital and although she had Carlisle’s blessing for infinite leave, she had patients she needed to care for.

For the first time, in my whole long life. I stood in my house. Alone.

I almost expected the grief to flood back to me. Reminders of him were everywhere. In every room but I felt at peace.

I was cleaning the kitchen, trying to get back into a routine when a familiar voice came from behind me.

“Clara.” 

It was Axton.

I turned to face the immortal face of my best friend and I smiled.

“hey” I said quietly. He strolled towards me. His arms wrapping around me and hugging me to him.

We were best friends; he had been a part of my life for seventy years now. I told him everything and I trusted him implicitly and yet we barely touched. This was the first time we’d hugged in decades.

I melted into his hug hearing his heartbeat in his chest. His breathing rising and falling matching my own. 

Another set of arms wound around me to replace Axton’s and I smiled the face of Alena as she hugged me.

“hey” I smiled as I pulled away from her. I turned to look at both of them before me.

“we wanted to come sooner, but we knew you’d have your family. We didn’t want to get in the way. Sophie told us you were alone now and maybe you’d want a visit” Alena explained with a sad smile.

“thank you for coming to see me.” I said sincerely looking at both of them. 

It had taken a few years after the events with Lilim but eventually the immortal twins became my closest confidants. Axton more than Alena but we had always been drawn together.

I never regretted my decision for a moment to let him go. He had found love. I had Elijah. We had taken a few years to get there but eventually we became friends.

Alena had never left my life. From the moment I met her until now she had always been there for me when I needed her. She enjoyed Chicago a lot, she was in and out of a casual relationship with Ophelia, Esther’s niece and she enjoyed the Volturi more than her brother ever did.

Axton had Mia. Mia was someone I had no idea existed for the first thirty years of her life. I was aware Axton had fallen for someone, that much was clear, but he never told me her connection to my family. Not until the rest of the family found out about her. His clear devotion and love for her was bittersweet. Our feeling for each other had long since gone but I was definitely jealous. Jealous of the fact that he could be with her forever. That Elijah would be gone, and I’d be alone, and Axton would still have her. It was petty and I eventually got over it. I wouldn’t hold Axton to a promise we’d made as teenagers. It was wrong and it was so long ago now. We were completely different people. That wasn’t even an exaggeration at this point. There would always be a connection between us and that was enough for me. 

“we won’t outstay our welcome. We just wanted you to know we’re here for you. When ever you need” Axton said in response to my thanks. I nodded knowingly.

“thank you.” I said again with a smile.

“I’m going to be in Chicago for a bit. I won’t be far” Alena said reaching to hold my hand.

“ok” I smiled as she turned to leave my house. Leaving me face to face with Axton.

We fell into a comfortable chat. He asked me how its been having everyone in my house again, asked me how my kids were and Dale until eventually we were just talking about random things like we normally do. He stayed for dinner until he mentioned he should get back to Mia.

“Clara.” He paused before he left, I turned to look at him curiously. “I know we don’t talk about it. I know we’re different people now and you would never hold me to the promise I made as a teenager but its not gone. You know, that right? My relationship with Mia. Its my world. I will always choose it as long as its there but there is a cloud over it. Mia is a wolf, one day she might imprint, and she won’t be mine anymore. I’m okay with that. I accepted that the day I told her I loved her. I wouldn’t change my choices just as you wouldn’t change yours. I will always love her and I will stay by her side as long as I can but I know how unlikely it is that she will be my forever. A hundred years from now, who knows where we’ll be.” He said watching my reaction. I smiled at him. A real smile. I would always love Elijah just as he would always love Mia. I understood that. 

“you know where to find me” I replied. Repeating the exact same words, he told me the day I broke up with him seventy-four year ago. He smiled back before he was gone from in front of me.

I could hardly believe it had been that long. I wasn’t ready for Axton then, and I certainly wasn’t ready for him now. I wasn’t sure if I ever would be honestly but there was hope, that maybe one day we’d get to be something. I knew one thing though; friends were enough too. The day Axton came into my life I was propelled into a whirlwind of supernatural, I gained a family, an enemy, a boyfriend, an immortal life all in the space of months. It changed my life forever and I wouldn’t change a single thing. Not choosing Elijah, not the life we had together. I would spend forever with those memories and my best friends and family at my side. I was grateful for it all and I knew from grieving my father, my grandmother and seeing all my immortal family do the same, all I needed to pass this pain was time. Just time.